Choosing Growth through Grief

It feels as though life hit us all with a fast forward button. One blink and we’ve stepped into the future that was once a speck of our imagination. 

New World Order. 

And it’s pushing us all to step into our purpose. In the words of Queen B, “we don’t got time like we used to.”

But, what is the true definition of human purpose? And how do we solidify our purpose even after so many tragic events are transpiring around and against us?

grief

/ɡrēf/

noun

  1. deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.”she was overcome with grief”

Throughout my twenty- three years, I feel like I’ve always been a victim of life. However, at twenty- three, I can look around and say we are all victims of life with different trials, judges and jurors. Nobody asked to be here.

At the beginning of this year, 2023, I got a personal dose of being a victim to pre-mature death of loved ones. Before losing my cousin in February, I remember riding in my car one day thinking to myself “what if 2023 is the year I lose people close to me? I’ve been through almost everything, in my opinion, except grief.” Now, I think back and I believe that was God preparing me.

While I never imagined losing those who’ve transitioned, I knew the day would come where I had to face that harsh reality. I also knew it would be a process and a new challenge. While physical death is a new energy I have to transmute, grief and death itself is not a new trial for any of us to be faced with. 

One day, I was outside with my grandfather and I noticed a butterfly. I am a person who finds symbolism in everything around me because I believe everything is connected to Source. Seek and ye shall find so, I decided to google the spiritual meaning behind the butterfly. “Death…” Immediately, my human mind became anxious because for one, I was standing there with one elder who I am terrified of losing. My Poppa had a smirk on his face though and calmly replied (he’s too cool sometimes) “aye, death isn’t always a bad thing.” 

As he said that, I continued to read the article and it went into depth about transformation and death of a certain circumstances and situations. I took a deep sigh of relief. Because if the butterfly symbolized death of circumstances, then I was ready! That meant death of financial troubles, death of unsatisfied employment, death of relationships, death of certain mindsets, etc.

The representation of the butterfly meant death, however, it was my perception that shifted the narrative. 

grief

/ɡrēf/

INFORMAL

  1. trouble or annoyance.”we were too tired to cause any grief”

While grief usually stems from the lost of a loved one, it doesn’t necessarily have to equate to physical death. I look back over life and realize: I’ve grieved many versions of myself when I wasn’t in alignment.

Hold on, hold on! That was deep so let me repeat: We grieve many versions of ourselves when we are not in alignment!

When we are not walking in our true purpose, we are actively grieving. We are dissatisfied with our reality. We are annoyed with God. Yes, it’s okay to say it! We get annoyed with God. 

Think about it like this: children are the most innocent humans up until about age 6. We come into this lifetime knowing exactly who we are and what we want to do. While their ideas aren’t on the same maturity level as a 32 year old, a child can tell you exactly what’s up in the moment. They know what they feel like doing and they are aware of what they have zero desire to do. They are decisive on what they want to eat, where they want to go and who they want to surround themselves with in the moment. They are pure.

It isn’t until we begin to grow in age and taint our identities with other people’s opinions and ideas, that we unidentify with ourselves. Hence, starting a process of grief, annoyance, trouble, irritation. 

If grief is defined as a feeling of deep sorrow caused by someones death, what is the feeling of deep sorrow when certain tower moments happen in our life and we are resistant to change? While it isn’t physical death, it is death of certain aspects of self that has most likely come to change you for the better. In the moment, it is hard to identify the positive in situations, however when you look at the bigger picture; most situations that are hard to accept are character building moments. Your character outweighs this lifetime.

One of my last conversations with my Sister, Christi, was a deep one and in relation to this topic. I remember saying to her “I think we get so tired here in this physical realm because somewhere deep down, we long to be wherever we were… before we got here.” 
Which is why it’s human nature to get annoyed with God, but still have faith in the midst of.
Aye, we are all connected, I get it.

So, how do I know what my purpose is? How can I be sure I’m walking in “my purpose” if I’m still showing up at a job I hate? 
****Everybody huddle up and gather ‘round
Let’s start this healing journey off by saying this: Purpose does not equate to status.

You do not have to be rich, an entrepreneur, Black, woke or White to have a purpose in God’s plan. He gives purpose to every animal, every tree, every trial, and every tongue.


Choosing growth through grief is to know whatever troubles arise, have come to change you. Even those hardships we were forced to overcome as children and teenagers happened to mold you into who you are at this very moment. 

Staying stagnant is a choice, no matter what the circumstances are. Many people victimize themselves and use their trauma as an excuse to not evolve. You must choose growth through grief, and not ‘growth over grief,” because the pain will still be there in the background. In the words of the late Great, Nipsey Hussle “don’t fold when the game tests you.”

I am choosing to grow in my purpose through this grieving process. God’s purpose for us to work as vessels for another. The hardships we endure work as character building situations that allow us to be examples of His grace. 

 Therefore, when I say we grieve many versions of ourselves when we’re not in alignment, I simply mean you will always be uncomfortable when you view life as: why is this happening to me? Vs. why is this happening for me? How will I respond to this? 

So, how do begin walking in purpose?

You already are.

But how do I identify with my purpose? I don’t know what I’m doing here in this life. How do I know if I’m in alignment? I pray and see no outcome. Why does God allow me to go through this? 

Well, looks like you’ll have to wait ’til next week to find out 😉

Xoxo, 

Marshay

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